smileinmysleep:)))

2006-10-26T09:03:00.000-07:00

ok , fine . my bad . evrytings my fault . im always to blame . urgh . alright ?!

2006-10-21T06:11:00.000-07:00

got pissed by my mom . wats the use fer her to keep me in dis hse whereas i dun need to do anymore house chores ? reason is tmr i have school . as if i carn wake up fer it . evrytyme, i go out , i even go to school the next day . lame xcuses . i still dun understand . wtf . i wanna go geylang wif kimie ! boohoo ! ;'(
last sat , we went to nek pidah's hse . tot of bringin her jln2 . geylang && bugis . janji narkiah buke same2 . den my fam sebok . i didnt tell her tho' . she brought her frends . duno who . tk sebulu uh . mat ngn minah . sape nk pi layan ? i jus gave dem sarcastic smile and ignored them . i told kia i wanted to buke wif my fam instead . den dere no space to sit . darn ! deres sum pple who nvr fast , still sittin && talkin eventho' dey finished eatin rdy . felt lyke swearin at dem . but puase . so we jus bought food and took cab to nek pidah's hse beck again . my mom wanted to go to suria raya carnival but i was sick . i had bad body aches . i suggested to go beck hm 1st but my mom forced me to go no matter wat . && den i cried along the way . my mom kept shoutin at me , sayin dat im such a troublesum fer her . but it'd better off if i went beck hm ryte ? so dat dey cud go to the bazaar && i cud rest . i cried so badly dat nek pidah pitied me and consoled my mom to take me beck . my mom hit me again and again , swearin me . felt lyke fuck sia . urgh .
den last 3 days , i got kicked by my mom at the beck . my lil bro bumped into me den terlanggar my tetek . den i maki him ' eh , sngaje sia carik chan ! babi ! ' my mom kicked me . u see , shes biased . i duno why she hated me so much .
my dad dun even called us to ask how we are doin and ask us out fer buke or spendin fer raya and even askin whether we wana raya wif him . boohoo ! ;'( are we wanted ?
my sibs ? as usual , hatin me .
and it made me hated Allah and Islam . i tot Allah lurved me . but why must He give dis fuckin lyfe since young ? does He hef any idea how i feel ? why dun He be in my shoes ? let Him understand . but no , Hes too selfish to understand . cos He tynks Hes the greatest . but carn He spare a tot on us , unfortunate ones . He says He lurves us but why dis fuck ?
i dun tynk He even send Angels to take care of us . no such ting as Angels . and He chooses His own Prophets . practically , BIASED . and i dun blieve in fate . cos He chooses pple to tortue lyke me .
i blieve ders God but duno who . i tynk im bcumin free tynker .

xoxo salLy .

2006-10-04T06:47:00.000-07:00

phew . i was too busy with my stuffs that i totally forgot to blog . HAHA .
i started to fast again today because i had my 'red light' the past 6 days . i only ate 1 kfc chicken for breaking fast just now and im so full .
ytd i had a conflict with kimie again . same old stuffs . he doesnt change once for me . urgh . i dont know why the fuck im giving him chances . i just feel like i cant leave him . i wish he would realise what ive done . im always the one giving in . is it worth ? hes total opposite of what he was . i want my dadDy back badly . boohoo !
farhan(black) (my ex-fyi) is always there for me to put those falling fragments i have together up . sigh . i dont know why i was mean to him last time . i felt guilty for all the shits that ive done . best friend , i want you to know that i <3 you .
yeah . its right that i feel useless . im unwanted . my family doesnt need me . theyve longed me to leave them on their own . i have no true friends . all i have is fakes . and my boyfie is fading away from my heart . sigh . why are you people mean to me ? where did i go wrong ? why does God make my life this way ?

xoxo salLy .

2006-09-15T06:18:00.000-07:00

damn, if i knew today was goin to be a rainy day, i wudnt hef to go to skewl. and wats more? i was sick jus now. got flu. urgh. but feel better now. jus now, i kept on sniffin my mucus up so dat it wudnt hef to drip down my nose. haha. once my mucus went really down, cheryl and eric saw the slime; and they went, "eww! disgustin lah u!" nyehs. :p fergotten to bring my best pal, tissue is his name. so i had to go ard askin fer it. :)
aishah was sick too. flu disease. hehe. she and her so-called towel handkerchief.not bad uh her haircut. i cut her hair ytd. layered her hair. at least, it looks better than the day bfore.
SO PPLE, IF U WANT A GD HAIRCUT, COME TO ME. NYONYAs AND AUNTIEs WILL ALWAYS CUT YR HAIR LYKE WAT MALAY CALL 'MANGKOK'. :D I ONLY CHARGE YOU. amm. $3. is dis price ok? narkiah, u can bcome my assisstant alright?
i wana wish all the best to my dearest gf, narkiah fer her dance floor dis comin sat. MACPHERSONIANs, PLS DO SUPPORT OUR FELLOW SKEWLMATEs ! HAIL MACPHERSONIANs (xcept the gangsters)!
dere is a come-beck gurl ytd. aishah told me dat she used to skewl but half of last yr, she quitted skewl or sumtin. her name is maizurah. shes in 2h. hmm. well,my 1st impression was 'typical minah. eee.' serious. i dun understand why aishah and siti say she looks cute. puh-lease. i find my sis way cuter than her. when i was in the toilet aft cuttin aishah's hair, she jus simply stared at us. i was lyke,'wtf. shes the same age as us. and she wana act big in front of us. go to hell uh. zaman biler sia mau stare2? skali ku korek biji mater ko. fikir ku adek2 ko ker persial? muke dah lah cam PS.(pmpn sundal or prostitute in eng) mepek siak.' EEEEE!!
exams are ard the corner. so scared sia. i wonder how kimie feels. he always go out. sigh. dis week, ive got singin test. im tynkin of apology by alesana. i wana be different frm my classmates. loads of head-bangin and screams. haha . but i carn scream dat much uh. pchit. yeah. im alot different than them lah. i may act like a 3 yr old kid but my way of tynkin is much more lyke a 24 yr old lady.
i learnt loads frm my sec 1 yr, when i got to noe loads of pple; all kinds of pple. fer me, i dun wana break rules, lyke goin clubbin. i may go gigs but not clubbin uh. deres certain age dat is legal fer goin clubbin. fortunately most gigs, nop. phew! i was clever enuf to get to noe loads of pple in dat age. fer me, my sec 1 yr was a turnin point fer me. if i hadnt known syaz(my ex), i wudnt known wat wud happen to me. i used to tynk to jus ENJOY. but now, wats important fer me is to catch my childhood dreams and fantasies. i dun wana regret fer not catchin my dreams bfore i go. but sumtymes i wish my lyfe does not hef to be dis way. u noe, my parents' divorce, my rebellion, my failures in lyfe and my imperfections. i understand dat these are made fer lyfe. but im grateful to hef my pain ryte now. at least, ive grown up and matured thruoutdis cycle. sumone told me dat im special and im the one dat God chosen to hef dis lyfe so dat i cud get matured in it and share to others wat i learnt in a positive way. luckily i met dat person. but unfortunately im havin a fight wif him. ironic right? hahs.
xoxo SALLY.

2006-09-07T06:05:00.000-07:00

Ytd I finished up the clothin mountain and I was proud of myself, bein able to do sumtin dat mama carn. I finished it up fer 2 hr. nyehs. But my mom cud only finished dat up fer a whole day, man. Acherli, I was unwillin to do dat as u all noe im very2 lazy lyke a piggie. Oink2. hehe. But my mom told me if I didnt do it, I cudnt go out today. So I felt a need to do it.
I tot I cud go to esplanade today. But fifa bubbled me. Urgh. how I hate dat. She said we cud go dere as she was also hesitant to go toa payoh to meet mus. (I dun lyke him uh. irritatin.) Aishah too wana go toa payoh. And I was lyke, sial uh. Toa payoh sia. Ade per siol kt sane? Si fifa nie, lau tknk pi, blang uh. Per siak. Bueh sia. I better off went to wild2 wet wif my fam sei. Urgh. fuck uh!!!
As 155 came, they persuaded me to go toa payoh. But I told them dat if they wanted to go, go uh. Den they jus went, widout sayin sorry. How pathetic I felt. Sigh. Den I ringed narkiah, askin whether she cud go out or not. Unfortunately, she had to take care of her lil bros. sigh. She asked me whether I wanted to go to her hse. But I told her I wud ringed her later. Ringed tira, she told me she had to follow her mom. what a bad luck I hef today. Hopin upon fer kimie to ans his hp, I ringed him. I asked him where he was. kt uma. -phew! At last, got sumwher to go. Bought coke at gd luck shop. Met him at the bridge. He informed me dat he wanted to meet zal. Den I was lyke, smlm da jmpe, jmpe agi. I felt like as if his frens are his gf and im his fren. He also said dat he had to be hm by 4. min later, zal came. They talked. Found out they wanted to meet tmr. NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEANT? HIS FRIENDS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN ME!!! Suddenly, min came out frm his hse, askin whether they wanted to follow him to hang ard outside a mosque in eunos. Kimie said he didnt want to go. But guess wat, he went edy la. Wen the ticks got 4, he sent me to the bus stop. he asked me to ring him.
got hm. washed up. got ready to watch GUBRA again. ringed him fer umpteen tymes but he didnt pick up. lyke fuck sia. den ringed narkiah. she was talkin to regina but she told me she wud ring me beck later. continue watchin GUBRA. narkiah called and i felt empty as ive not eaten since morn. 530 watched holland v. ringed him again. he told me he wanted to top up his ez lynk. so i asked him wher he was. he said eunos. wif? -min & zal. goin mosque la.
god, i tot he didnt want to go. but at last he went.
dese tings make me tynk alot. save or jus ferget dis rship? wen he wanted to kiss me jus now, i was tynkin, shud i kiss him beck? hes not the guy dat i wana live and grow old wif. hes not mature-tynkin yet. he still wants to enjoy. he doesnt tynk of his future. and i dun want a fren person fer livin. or he‘ll end up goin out wif his frens more often than me. I DONT WANT THAT. but he was the one who said dat dere is loads of frens fer enjoyin but fer strugglin lyfe, nop. den why the hell is he always meetin his dumb frens?
i want a companion dat is able to go thru thick and thin wif me no matter wat. he must not make his frens lyke his gf. he must be a mature-tynkin person. tynk of his future instead of present.
i wana find the One ryt now cos i dun wana waste my tyme. and i wana concentrate on my studies. if ive found the One now, i wudnt hef to waste tyme to find a soulmate.
my dreams are to learn how to bcome a pro hairstylist and guitarist. werk by the end of dis yr. save loads of money. travel to bangkok at 16 wif bf. pass my o wif flyin colors. bcome a model. go to poly or la salle or nafa to continue studyin fashion design or fashion stylin or hair stylin. werk, werk and werk. liv in a condo. travel, travel and travel. hef a hubby to die fer. hef 2 kids. 1 boy and 1 gurl. hef grandchildren. retire. travel, travel and travel again. DIE.
IM TO LAZY TO WRITE IN FULL SENTENCES.

xoxo SALLY.

2006-09-04T04:56:00.000-07:00

My bro has gone for his p5 camp . quite glad that hes going cos my house would be quiet without him . it would be very noisy if hes here . and some more , with my sis . basically , my sibs are like couple . always sticking to each other . sometimes I do feel left out . cos their love for each other is tremendously much compared to loving me . what else my mum . she loves my sibs more than me . though she denies it but I can feel im just being alienated . But never mind . im pulling myself through .
Called my dad ytd . but he doesnt seem happy to find me calling him . nth much to talk . and he too . how sad . I wanted to ask him to top up my prepaid . but no . im afraid if he thinks that I called just to ask him that . actually I wanted to know how he was going with his life now . he told me that he had another job . part time . I wonder why he keeps chging jobs . is he being fired all the time ? I hope hes going fine . sometimes it makes me think why I should care for a dad who doesnt care about his children . but all along , hes my dad , right ? I cant hate him . and I cant hate my mom for what she did to me either . without them , I wont be standing on this ground , blogging . nyehs . practically , pple , I live a sad life . yeah . im not whining or something . but this IS a fact of fate . argh , dont bother , alright ?
Well , today I watched a nice movie , GUBRA . uber sweet . I wanna watch the first part , SEPET . cos I find it hard when I dont understand how the beginning goes . I wish im older that I could marry now . watching the lives of married couples in GUBRA is so A temptation . HAHA .
PEEPS , Im okay with kimie . its just a misunderstanding . were going 6 mths this sat . my longest rship ever . know what ? I wanna make him my soulmate . yeah . ive think about it and im very sure about it . :D

xoxo SALLY .

2006-08-31T07:55:00.000-07:00

disappointed with kimie . he makes his friends more important than me . forgets about me all the time . didn't call me today . dammit !
met tira . and hanged out with balqis . im such a hypocrite to hang out with balqis . urgh . saw loads of seniors in yumin primary . loads of matreps and minahreps too . CRAP . hariz emo ? i dont know . zulkifli kept staring . ate loads of chilli fishballs . forgotten ive allergy . urgh . drank grape juice for only 30c . i wish im in primary school again .
smoked alot today due to the stress . was in a verge of sniffing glue . but nope . i stopped myself . my bladder got out of control that ive to trouble tira and balqis to walk . sigh .
then i slept my way to sungei rd . got to walk all the way back cause i couldnt find my way to the bus stop . felt very tired . screws all loose . thats all peeps . my mum irritates me today .

xoxo SALLY .